The past few months have been strange for me, I have suffered from personal losses which I never expected and I have also faced the darkness a couple of times without truly understanding where all the negative emotions were coming from. Maybe it was the pandemic, maybe it was the fear spreading across Bahrain from the unknown, maybe it was the drastic changes that have occured on our daily routines and lives  and maybe it was a combination of all of the above and other factors larger than my comprehension and understanding. 

I had fallen into the trap of negativety simply because it felt like we lost so much of our lives to the pandemic and it was no longer something we can control. But the truth is, our lives were never in our control to begin with. Through the battles I had undertaken the last few months I had learned that it wasn't about how much you take from the world, but it was about how much that you gave back in the smallest acts of kindness that really mattered. 

I used to think the world has taken so much from me and I was (to be honest) feeling resentful and angry but mostly sad. I felt lonely because I never understood why I was dealt an unfair hand but then I realised my deck of cards is what I make it out to be and not what is given to me. I could have an entire deck of Aces that truly amount to nothing yet I could appreciate the deck of random cards that I was given and build my own house of cards - and that is what I did. 

The important message I want to share isn't the realisation that hit me but WHEN it happened that is truly significant. As you all know now, my sister rescuses many stray dogs and cares for them - and my family fosters some of the puppies in preparation for their forever homes overseas. The day I was brooding about the hand I was dealt I was assigned baby-sitting duties by my sister while she goes on a rescue mission. I just sat in her room as the puppies roamed around playing and napping while I was watching depressing shows on Netflix. I must have dozed of as the documentary droned on completely ignoring the fact that baby-sitting means actually watching the puppies and not just "being there". 

A full-on puppy riot is what woke me up as the three little ones went nuts over a pigeon that landed in the balcony and was just chilling in the shade. Usually, I would have been mad at them for waking me up from my hard-earned nap, but I was too sad that day. I just sat up and put down three of their favourite most special treats on the floor for them and wanted to go back to my boring documentary.

Bear in mind, these treats only come out in special occasions that my sister uses as a reward for extremely good behaviour and learning new commands, but I had really no energy to bother walking to the cabinet to get the regular treats. The puppies crave these treats because they know they did good when they are rewarded with them - but I honestly just gave it to them because I was sad. 

One of the puppies, Kenai, looked at me as I sat on the bed and looked down on his treat (he hasn't had one in over a month because he was naughty the entire time) so it was a special treat that probably meant the world to him because I'm sure in his mind he was being rewarded for barking at the pigeon (which would have never happened if my sister was there). 

What I never really understood about dogs is how they sense your emotions before you even understand what you're feeling. As I settled back in bed to continue my nap I felt a nudge against my hand and to my surprise saw Kenai with the treat in his mouth. He looked up at me with his great black eyes and just placed the treat near my hand and jumped up on the bed (which he has never done to me) and lay down with his head on my feet. 

My heart exploded with so much gratitude and love at that moment because here was this dog who craved those treats (and was denied them because of his naughty behaviour) finally getting one for BARKING at a pigeon and he just gave it to me whole because he had sensed I needed the treat (metaphorically) more than him. 

That was the moment I decided to make my own house of cards with the deck I was dealt because the truth is? Although the pandemic has taken a lot from me, it has still given me a lot more than I asked for and that has taught me gratitude. 

The picture shows Tango, Cash and Kenai staring at a moth in the ceiling so it's completely irrelevant to my entry but it's a picture that gives me joy.