Babe,                                                                                                      THURSDAY

                                                                                                           14th February 2021

‘Aza…. Aza…. Aza…..’ Its ringing in my ears. The sound is getting fainter….. ‘’Daaaaaaaaaddddddd’’ I screamed and woke up. My mom came running and hugged me tight. I could feel the heat radiating from her body. My heart beat had slowed down. Mom said, ‘’ Aza, its time to move on.’’

This is the first week after dad’s death. Dad was an energetic youth. Not a youth, but a middle aged man. But why I called him a youth was because he used to blush with youthfulness. Dad was very keen in maintaining and fixing things. Just like the younger generations he was always interested in trying new things. But he wasn’t that romantic or so like the youngsters. Oops… I forgot… HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, BUDDY!!! I have never seen my parents going on dates nor have I gone on one….. We both miss dad very much. But do you think he is gone? He still walks in the house, goes to office, eats dinner with me and talk with me. I know he is gone…..But no,not for me.

You know babe, death is like Shah Rukh Khan in DDLJ( Bollywood movie). Whenever Kajol(us) goes forward in life, death is there right behind us. It is running behind us everyday and one day, death catches our hand. It seems funny, right?  But its true.The virus shouldn’t have taken him, instead should have taken me.

Dad never had expressive genes in him. He never told me his struggles and pains. Are all men like this? One day, one of the boys in my class cried when he got punishment. At that time, many people went to him and said, ‘’ You are  a boy. Stop crying’’ Why can’t men cry? Women to some extent express their emotions but most men keep it in their heart. They pile up the pain in their heart which in turn stops the circulation in the body. These are my thoughts and I don’t know if they are scientifically correct. But who cares, what I feel is always correct for me.

What is the greatest gift a man can receive? Well its not being rich or handsome. It is a piece of land to bury yourself. Since dad had died of COVID 19, his body wasn’t transported to India. It just breaks my heart to say this. So I am not going to talk about this. Today I don’t wanna cry. Mom is trying hard to stay positive. I can see her putting make- up on her heart, acting to be positive. She does that so that I remain hopeful. I don’t want her to act again, so I am trying to be positive.

After dad’s death, a lot of people called and came to our house. They brought food and tried to comfort us. It was so kind of them to come and visit us in this difficult time. I feel that the hardest thing to say to a parent is that their child is DEAD. My grandparents told us that we can come to India and stay with them. But mom said NO. At first, I asked, ‘’Why mom are you being too stubborn? ‘’ She answered, ‘’ Mom and Dad are ready to feed us. But they have their own expenses. Moreover the pension they receive is minimal. Your dad used to work hard to feed us. He used to never ask money from someone unnecessarily nor did he forget to repay his debts. When we live with our grandparents, it will become a debt. I will work and feed you. Don’t worry about that.’’ She is a very strong woman. I absolutely agreed with her. We must never keep debts with others.

Next month, we would be moving out of this house because now onwards we must rely on mom’s salary. It wouldn’t be enough for everything.  We will be moving to a one bedroom apartment in Manama. I will be also stopping the tuitions as it is expensive. Manisha had agreed to send me the extra questions she gets. My school teachers and friends also visited us.

I can’t resist the yearning to hold on to my dad’s forefinger and walk. When I was small, I used to sit on top of his stomach and keep my head on his heart. That feeling…… Oh my God, it’s the best feeling in the world. The biggest mistake one makes is forgetting to say  ‘Thank you’ or ‘I love you’ to your dear ones. Take nothing for granted. What is given, will be taken away. The soul would never go to the grave and that’s the truth. He is with me, right now sitting in my bed. I don’t know if others believe, but I DO.

Yours truly,

Aza